wah wah wah.

okay so he answered.

apparently he'll probably be hanging out with assface, his bff after they get done being gay.  or whatever.

blargh.

he said he'll text me to let me know if he does or he doesn't.
and then i was sort of a jerk, maybe?
i was all like, "no, that's cool.  i'm sure i can find someone else to entertain me.  have fun with assface."

which may or may not be unreasonable.
i mean, if you take it at face value it's not so bad.
but if you read into it, it sounds more like "i can find some other dude to entertain me."
i may or may not want him to read into it.

if i do, i'm being a jerk.
and maybe manipulative.

ugh.
i swore we were done with head games this time around.
but it's such a hard habit to break.

i'm going to try really hard to be straightforward.
i've done an okay job so far.
i told him i'm in love with him while drunk.
which counts for something.
i think.

i just couldn't help it.
i mean, it wasn't even a legitimate rejection.
he'd already made other plans.
but the second i read it, it was just like "bam.  slap in the face."
and my knee-jerk reaction is to say something mean.

i hope one day i can get to the point that i respond to something that makes me sad with sadness and not anger.
i'm pretty sure i was capable of it once.