like a drifter

i was born to walk alone.





so, the amphetamines are working out pretty nicely.
i get everything done at work.
and it's so much easier to be super friendly.

bonus, my skin has cleared up like whoa and i've lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds.

it's probably not the safest thing for me to be taking.
but damnit, i want to be skinny this summer.
so whatever.

if i die, at least i'll look fabulous at the funeral.

fuck fuck nipple fuck.

i need time off.
i need to cool the fuck down.
i've been taking amphetamines just to get through the day.
so by the time the weekend comes and i'm off them i'm an angry zombie.

and there's no fucking end in sight.
mid to late july.
that's when i'll get a break.
might as well be next year.

i can't keep working six days a week.
it never fucking ends.

i'm tired of being accountable for so much money.
i'm tired of making confirmation calls.
i want a desk job.
i want a nap.
i want a job where i start and stop at set times.
i work pretty much 24/7 now. it's too much.

and on the boy front things are not any less ridiculous.

it's still about him.
which i'm starting to think will never change.
and it's retarded.
though really, we deserve each other.

at least i stand a chance if i ever decide to pursue someone else.
him, not so much.
he's way crazier than i've ever been.

and the sad part is, i've gotten closer to him than anyone else.
most of that was through my own perceptiveness.
not through him sharing things.
i mean, he does.
but still, it's unlikely that anyone will ever crack him like i have.
and yeah, it's kind of sad.
i worry about him.

i should be working and not doing this.
but i fucking hate it.