i am still boring.

and yet ridiculousness finds me.

i got a call from schmendrick today.
he was sort of cool about two years ago.
i met him on internets.  we hung out irl.
he was pretty hot.
and dorky.
so you know, we did it.
a couple times.

then he "we'd" me.
and i was out of there.

he didn't seem to understand that i didn't want him to be my boyfriend.
this might have been more clear if i had stopped hanging out with him and doing him.
meh.
what can you do?

so, the last time i saw him was over a year ago.
there was drama.
drunk at a party, doing his friend in the bathroom sort of drama.

since then he looks different.
in a bad hair, not so hot anymore sort of way.
so obviously, there's no reason for me to hang out with him.

yet he keeps calling me.
sometimes he drunkenly proposes to me.
and it's all ridiculous.
and though it might inflate my ego slightly, it's also annoying.
and believe me, my ego is large enough already.

i don't really know what to do at this point.
i barely answer ims.
i never answer the phone when he calls.
how much more obvious can i be??

i can't be like, actually mean.
i think this may be the reason things like this happen to me.
i'm a jerk.
a borderline douchebag.
i say not so nice things.
i treat people like they're disposable.
but i never outright tell them i don't like them.
and for some reason, this causes them to become infatuated with me.

typing that out has made me realize that "him" and i are more alike than i realized.
he's the first person to ever treat me like i treat others.
and it works so well.

which begs the question, would it work if i used it on him?
probably not.  everything sort of crashed and burned the last time.

and he's been more direct with me this time around.
and nicer.
so, it'd be my fault if i wrecked it by playing games.





i hope i'm not a bad person.