and if i hadn't set aside

the fact that you were broken hearted.
hell knows where your heart would be today.
maybe with me.





i didn't go to bed last night.
which is ridiculous because i'm supposed to be on my way to work right now.
luckily i am not because weather is dumb.

i did some half sleeping, mostly tossing and turning for about an hour.

which resulted in... well i guess you'd call them lucid dreams.
whatever.
they were weird.

i started thinking about him.
it was normal at first.
then it was like, bam!
moving in together.
proposals.
wedding rings.
i love yous.

crazy.

and i mean, yeah.  i don't hate that idea.
and i might even want all those things at some point.

but a few hours ago i really wanted all of it.  and i was sort of upset, maybe?
i don't know what to call it.
i was basically just really emotional and half asleep.

it's a relief that i don't feel that way right now.
but it freaks me out that i felt them that intensely at all.

i just don't want to fuck things up with him.
what if i get like that again when i'm with him and make him talk about where our relationship is going or whatever?
i really don't want to do that.

ugh.
/crazy talk